10.10.2004
I've Got Neighbors
Yesterday I was at a party for a dear friend's little girl who was turning 4. If you've never been to a party for a 4 year old, you have missed an experience. Controlled chaos would be one way to describe it but another way is "waiting for the ambulance." No children were hurt but there were moments I thought that every child there was gonna cry. Not having children of my own, there is a bit of blessing in seeing other parents deal with their kids. Shameful glee. Evil as it is to say, nobody told these people to procreate. So some of the adults at this shin-dig I went to college with and we were able to talk and joke around in the afternoon, an absolutely gorgeous afternoon.
So a number of us are on the deck shooting the breeze, Tommy-Boy, Pudgy the Rocket, Mic the Teacher, and yours truly. As conversations go, we probably would have been fined by the FCC but thank God we weren't on the radio, I started talking about my neighbors. My neighbors in my complex are unique. There have been good and bad, but most recently it has gotten worse.
Currently the neighbors that intrigue and piss me off the most are in two separate apartments. I don't know any of their names so I have given them all their own designates.
The ones that affect me the most are the Convicts. They live in the apt right behind me and on the 2nd floor, so their deck is right across from my bedroom window. The best I can figure that there are anywhere from 2 to 8 people crashing there at any one time. Mostly guys, but that changes when they bring their girlfriends/whores around. They seem to be quiet until about 10 o'clock at nite and then it kicks in. They are out on the deck til 3 or 4 in the morning. And they are loud. This pisses me off because I get up at quarter of 5 in the morning for work. So when this occurs during the week I get irritated. I could see doing this on a weekend, but one would think that during the week they would have to work. All I am left to think is that they are students and go to school, work 2nd shift, or make a living doing something illegal. My tendency is the last option. I call them convicts because during their on deck antics someone is inevitably yacking on their phone to someone (parent, x-girfriend/whore) telling them that they can "call my probation officer" in regards to their whereabouts. And there is never a lack of female companionship at their apt. I've seen groups of 3 to 4 girls show up at a time. They generally look skeezy. I don't get it how that is appealing to women. These guys are asses and they treat these girls bad.
The other apt dwellers that are aggravating are the Whores. Yesterday at the party, Mic the teacher said that it was degrading to women to call them whores. Mic may have a point if I labeled all women as whores, but I don't. Have you seen the Bratz dolls that they sell to little girls, right next to Barbie? If you have, that is the image I have of these neighbors, but as an added bonus, they have dogs. Yipper dogs, punters, kickers...You get the idea. They let their dogs run around making messes and noise uncontrolled at night. It kills me. These two whores have companions as well and they are just as much joy as the Convicts. Out on their patio at 11 at night is a way to make friends and influence people. I don't know what these peole do for work, but regular working stiffs like myself and my roommate Zeke, that shit don't go down.
So when it is all in alignment...The best night of all is when the Convicts are having a party at 1 in the morning and the Whores are doing drunken sing-a-long at the same time and they start in with each other. It is trying. But help is on the way as a 3 time purple heart recipient would say. Zeke bought a house and asked me to come along.
So by month's end, I'll say goodbye to the Whores and Convicts and say hello to quiet suburbia where the biggest irritant on the block are the neighbors across the street that have a #8 flag hanging on their porch. I suppose I'll have to get a #24 flag just to bug them.
As to whether or not my friends understand why I say that I preferred the Lesbians over the Convicts and Whores, or even the anti-social Italians, I can't say, but this I do know, as Pudgy would say "corn is good."
On a side note, the Yankees have won the Division series against the Twins and face off against the Bo-Sux in the championship series. So to my good friend D, I say, no way in hell. I talked to D's husband, Marathon Man, the other day, and he at one point had asked D if it would be good to have the Yankees knocked out by the Twins so the Sox wouldn't have to face them. As Marathon Man told me, her response was iffy. D said it would be good but it would be better if the Sox took em out. Here is the problem with the Red Sox Nation, they want to win a World Series so badly, but that is tempered with hatred for the Yanks. They want to beat the Yanks in order to get there. As opposed to the Empire, that just want to win, and have done it 26 times. I don't care how many midgets Pedro has, it ain't enough to stop the Yankees...
And if you would like some fun reading check out my boys HH and Skinny, they are almost as funny as Ralph Nader.
NP: Over the Rhine- Changes Come LIVE: Changes Come
- posted by TundraBoy @ 1:17 PM
