Running the Bases with David

I feel it necessary to share with you further about my distain for David Justice as a color commentator on one of ESPN’s MLB crew. My previous post about him being as I put it: “dumber than a sack of hammers”, seemed a bit unfair. Ok, to be fair, Mr. Justice is not smarter than one very tiny hammer. I think that is a little more gracious. But not to undersell the drivel that he spews, my dear friend and old roommate from college, Helmet Head, decided to douse my flaming of Mr. Justice with gasoline. He wrote me a quick note, letting me know what other possible things Mr. Justice could possibly say in the future. So I’ll share that with you now:

Hey Nate,

Here's some other insights you may hear coming out of David Justice's mouth soon...

"You know, the batter wants to get a hit, but the pitcher, he doesn't want him to hit the ball."

"I think most players will tell you that they like to win."

"It may surprise you to know that baseball players make a lot of money."

"A double play...that's when the fielding team gets two outs at once."

"They call it a 'walk' because the batter gets to go to base for free...he doesn't have to run to beat the throw there."

"Mmmm...I like nachos."

"If the game is tied at the end, both teams will play what are called 'extra innings,' because they're extra bigger than nine."

So, what do I win if he says any of these? HAHA! You know what--David Justice used to be married to Halle Berry. Can you imagine the conversations they would've had?

"When I hit a home run, I get to run all the way around the bases."

"My movie BAPS was totally misunderstood...it was ahead of its time, really."

Anyway, it's good they didn't have kids...they would've been beautiful, but retarded.

Later


Thanks man, I appreciate your concern
np:Metallica - Welcome Home (Sanitarium) - Middletown NY County Fairgrounds 6/17/94
- posted by TundraBoy @ 4:16 PM 0 comments

 
I am the Sensitive Man

Here is a letter I just mailed to a friend of mine who is currently at Marine boot camp. She is a good kid and I totally wish her well. So this is me being sentimental. I could probably go on about how Joe Morgan said some real dumb things on the Mets/Yankees game last nite, but I would just be restating the obvious. I’ll get back to being mildly amusing later. For now this is how its gonna be….

Nate
NP: U2 – The Best of 1980-1990: Bad

Carly,
Just the other day I was thinking that it must be time to write ya a letter. So hopefully you’ll get this in short order and know that I am thinking of you often and have a good thought for you every day. Your mom said to me a couple of weeks ago to write you, but my reaction time is obviously retarded. So, I could ask you a bunch of questions about training and so on and so forth, but I am not expecting a reply here. Plus I don’t want you to feel obligated to respond to any question that I would have asked. You see, this is me not wanting placing road blocks in front of the Marine Corps turning you into as Gunny Highway said “A heartbreaker and a life taker.” The other thought you may be thinking is: “why did he type out this letter???” If I had wrote it by hand, you would not be able to read it. This is the most efficient way for me to communicate clearly. And one other question you might have is: “is he gonna say anything worthwhile in this letter, or is he just gonna prattle on about nothing in particular???”

This is a good question. One worthy of an answer, but I really am not sure yet. You see, I am kinda writing this stream-of-consciousness. As the thoughts come to me I type them out. It sort of like putting the censor that I normally would have when speaking, in sleep mode. So what you are reading are just the random thoughts I have and are able to articulate. Corn is good. See what I mean. A flat tax system is good on paper but would really hurt the middle class and poor of this country. No censor. My butt itches and I need some water. Now what you didn’t see is me going to the kitchen and getting a big glass of water. I feel better now. I ate at Wendy’s the other day. I thought about getting a big Bessie, but got the chicken sandwich instead. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm……Bessie.

Seriously though, things are going ok here back in South Central PA. We have had a ton of rain. Enough to actually end the drought condition from last year. Today (Monday 23rd) is supposed to be the beginning of a heat wave, with temperatures in the 90’s and high humidity. So, the air conditioner will be working overtime for sure. But enough about the weather, it’s so gay to talk about the weather. I have a radio show on the Messiah College station. It is way cool to get back to doing something that I really love. I am on twice a week for 3 hours each night. I have quite a bit of latitude on what I can play (within reason of course), and that is nice. It is not quite the same as when I was a student, but the improvements are good. Quite a bit is now controlled by the computers, which we didn’t have when I was a student. I probably don’t have a big audience, and the audience that I do have is probably scared off by all the old music I play. But I also play a lot of independent current tunes as well. So I hope I am introducing a couple of listeners to some fresh exciting music. Or I could just be a blowhard.

My job (not that you really care) has been kicking my butt recently. We have had a rash of residents coming down with upper respiratory infections. It is not SARS, but it is still troublesome. We have never had this kind of widespread problem before, so we have been trying to figure out where it is coming from whilst trying to keep other residents and staff from getting it. My mom was hospitalized last week, and that scared me. She was having chest pains and so my dad took her to the hospital on Monday night. I didn’t find out about it until late that night when I got home from the radio station. So that caused me to hit the panic button and take a late night road trip up to Wilkes- Barre. Thankfully all her tests came back negative, and she passed her stress test. The doctors think it is angina. So she is on some meds for a while. On a completely different note, I am growing my hair back, and it distresses me, because I can already see that it is starting to thin out on top. Just what I need. To be a “real” bald fat man. Ah well, that is the way it goes I suppose. Hopefully you will never have to deal with the pain of thinning hair. I don’t know how much news you all get exposed to down there but there is a new product that has come out at McDonalds. I have tried it. It took awhile, but at one point I did want to vomit. “What is your point?” you may ask. A roommate of mine from college has an online journal and he wrote a very enlightened piece about it. I am going to attach it to this letter. Hopefully you’ll enjoy it.
I do truly hope this letter finds you well. Overcome! Adapt! Semper Fi!
Dearest Regards,
Nate

If you want to read my friend's blog entry I sent Carly, go here.

- posted by TundraBoy @ 1:43 PM 0 comments

 
Say it Strong Say it Loud!!!

I am still a Yankees fan and I am proud!!!! What a game last night. They have been no hit since 1958, and haven't been no hit at home since 1952. There had never been a no hitter with that many pitchers involved (a two pitcher combo was the most till last night). So yet again, The New York Yankees are a part of history. Mind you I could have done without this laurel, but that is how it goes from time to time.

Now onto the real problem with last night's game, and I am not talking about the Yankee pitching, or the Yankee defence, or even the Yankee’s ineptitude at the plate. No, what I am talking about is the broadcast team for ESPN2 last night. As I tuned into the game last night and two people appeared before me on the screen, I thought this might not be so bad. Gary Thorne is a great play-by-play guy for hockey and I have heard him on local broadcasts of Mets games, so I know that the call of the game will be good.

The other guy next to him, an attractive black man. I am comfortable is saying that, he is telegenic. He looks good on camera. Who was it? David Justice. A good player in his day. Has a nice spread (he was on MTV’s Cribs). He seems to be a real nice guy. But when he opens his mouth… two words come to mind. Here it is: “Ball Gag”. A deaf mute would have better chance of getting over with me as a color commentator. You know how John Madden (from MNF) is the king of obvious and dumb statements. He a frickin’ Rhode’s Scholar in comparison to Justice. To further expound on this point, here are people I would rather listen to doing commentary than Justice: Magic Johnson (even on his short lived TV show), Joe Morgan (and many of you know how much I despise listening to him), Joe Lieberman (he prolly doesn’t know squat about baseball, but he is tough on the ears), and the Nanny herself Fran Drescher (even the nasal thing would be tolerable).

I couldn’t believe the bones Thorne would throw him and he’d say something so incredibly obvious or stupid, you wanted one of those really long poles with the crook on the end to yank him out of the booth, or that clown dude from the Apollo theater that has the broom, or even better yet, the guy in the dominatrix outfit the blow the trumpet on Sabado Gigagante on Univivsion. I had a Brian (the dog from Family Guy) moment when I uttered the phrase: “Is there anything on this remote lower than mute???” At one point, he actually remarked that the result of the game would come down to pitching. Really??? To pitching??? Stunningly brilliant commentary!!!

Not that it really mattered to whose pitching he was referring to, but the next thing I expected him to say was: “That the team with the most runs at the end of the game would be the winner.” Or even better yet, “There is a fifty fifty chance that either of these teams will come away with the win.” Seriously, this guy sucks. Maybe not in new and mysterious ways, or like Monica and the cigar, or even in that Neil Diamond/Yanni/Michael Bolton kind of way. He just should never be allowed to open his mouth again on TV, unless of course, he hawking those new McGriddles commercials.

………………………………………………………………………………………………
I guess my only hope now is that the Yankees hold on to win this game today, because as I walk in the door from work and flip the game on, much to my chagrin, Mr. Justice (maybe it should be IN-Justice) is in the booth blathering on and on and on. Shoot me now….and I am waiting to hear stellar comment number one…where is the mute button… here it is top of 6th, bases jacked and a fly out to left to bring in the runner at third to tie it up at 3 all. Justice says, “Now it’s like playing in a zero zero ballgame.” I swear, dumber than a sack of hammers.

- posted by TundraBoy @ 12:07 PM 0 comments